


Emil muses

by TheYanini



Category: Stand Still Stay Silent
Genre: Developing Friendships, Developing Relationship, Feelings Realization, M/M, One Shot, Self-Discovery, Slow Burn, lalli being lalli
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-05
Updated: 2020-04-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:41:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23494009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheYanini/pseuds/TheYanini
Summary: Emil thinks about his past and a certain finish mage. Sigrun sees right through him anyway.
Relationships: Lalli Hotakainen & Emil Västerström, Lalli Hotakainen/Emil Västerström
Comments: 1
Kudos: 22





	Emil muses

Hello beautiful people. I had this typed up a while ago, obviously describes the very early stages of their first journey when Emil and Lalli only begin to get to know one another. I kind of felt it was too short but I think it ends where it needs to end so here we are :) The song is Iron by Woodkid. 

Emil muses

Emil was going through his arsenal of explosives on this sunny but freezing evening, condensing a few of the crates together now that his stock was getting lower. He was quietly singing a song he had learned back with the Swedish cleansing unit back when he and 40 other cadets had little entertainment in the barracks after a hard day’s work out cleansing. 

Deep in the ocean, dead and cast away  
Where innocence is burned in flames  
A million miles from home, I'm walking ahead  
I'm frozen to the bones, I am...  
A soldier on my own, I don't know the way  
I'm riding up the heights of shame  
I'm waiting for the call, the hand on the chest  
I'm ready for the fight, and fate

It was a little bit of a bittersweet feeling now, thinking back to his time in the military.  
He had done ok for himself, really. He'd improved himself a lot. It was completely surreal to think back to the chubby spoiled brat he had been just a short while ago. How he had pushed his nanny’s around and how rude and demanding he had been. Losing everything and going to public school had been a very humbling experience.  
Looking back now he could see why the other teens there had not wanted to befriend him - Emil cringed at the memory of the self-important little asshole he had been telling everyone who would listen that this public school thing was merely a temporary measure and that he would continue his private education soon. And he had believed it, too. That somehow magically things would improve again for his family, that maybe uncle Torbjorn would miraculously find a way to get the family's wealth back and he would no longer be forced to consort with the ordinary folk at a public school.  
Reality had delivered a hard punch to his gut though when his uncle set him straight one day and told him to accept his new reality. All the money was gone, his aunt and uncle just barely clinging to their house in the city and having to take on jobs far below their standing as well.  
Having burnt all bridges with his fellow students and really having little interest in studying when the family business was irrevocably down the drain Emil dropped out. Probably to the never ending amusement of his fellow students.  
He had enrolled in the military then, dragging his chunky ass down to the drafting office and receiving judgmental looks for both his physique and family name. Luckily the military was low enough on cleansers to allow him in anyway.  
He continued to get mocked for his last name there as well. All the locals knew of his family and their recent downfall and seemed to enjoy his misfortune just for having been rich and now being a poor sod without a penny to his name.  
"Oh, a Västerström?" they would say in mock surprise. "Fancy seeing one of you here."  
This time, Emil tried harder. To be likeable. To be capable. To his be remotely good for something.  
He lost the excess weight very quickly and threw himself into the somewhat monotonous cleansing work.  
They weren't far out of civilization to really encounter any life-threatening danger but a few small trolls needed dealt with and Emil found that one of his few natural talents was having pretty good aim.  
The other cadets tolerated him though he didn't get overly close to most of them. His family name was the first hindrance and while he gradually improved his bad habits and behaviours he also learned that a bad first impression was hard to undo. But he fit into the group well enough, was trusted to do his job and wasn't actively excluded, so that was something.  
The smell of the thin soup Mikkel was stirring over the small fire wafted through the air, drawing Sigrun back to the van from her little patrol walk. Her arm seemed to still be bothering her despite her many assurances that it was just a scratch and what kind of weakling did they all think she was??  
"Ha," she said grinning from ear to ear. "I know that song. We sing it in Norway too, just the words are slightly different of course. Better with drums and trumpets and stuff though!"  
Emil grinned back at her. "The cadets always sang it back home. Didn't have any proper drums though, a few old pots and bedpans at best."  
Sigrun laughed her loud boisterous laugh that always cheered Emil up even when he was lost in thoughts or memories.  
"Your voice is not half bad though, buddy."  
"You think so...?"  
"Pfff, totally. I'm sure all the girls back in Sweden thought so, too..."  
She wiggled her eyebrows in a way that should have been weird and creepy coming from a woman much older than him who also happened to be his captain but somehow with Sigrun it was just good-natured banter.  
"If they did they sure never told me so."  
"Hmmm... What, so no little miss waiting for you back home then?"  
Emil snorted.  
"Nah. The last one broke up with me just before uncle Tjorborn told me about this expedition. She said a guy who didn't know that you need to properly celebrate a 3 month anniversary wasn't worth her time."  
Sigrun laughed a deep belly laugh at that.  
Truth to be told, Emil hadn't actually wasted a single thought on this girl since he signed up for this mission. She hadn't really been that special to him, she was the sister of a friend of a fellow cadet's and they had met at a festival in Moira. Anna had been pretty and nice enough and it was great not being single for a bit, not just for the regular sex, though that certainly was one of the perks of being in a relationship. But it was all a bit superficial and she had gotten a bit annoying fairly quickly, wanting to tell him what to wear, what to say, where to go and with whom and though Emil was quite happy to accommodate his partner the last thing he needed was another nanny.  
"No offense, Sigrun, but women are crazy."  
"Well, not all of us are." Sigrun said with a twinkle in her eye, of course taking no offence.  
"Probably not. Maybe I'm just attracting the crazy ones."  
Lalli chose that exact moment to stalk around the side of the tank into their field of vision, sparing them only a glance without further acknowledging them and disappearing into the line of trees behind them probably looking to terrorize the local squirrel community.  
"Or maybe you're attracted to the crazy ones." Sigrun said grinning, following Lalli's figure with her eyes as he disappeared into the shadows. The knowing look she shot him made him feel put on the spot.  
"Errr..." was the best response he could come up with while trying to hide his blush.  
Had he really been that obvious? His vague feelings towards Lalli hadn't even been given a name yet, had barely even made it to the forefront of his consciousness. There had been sort of a pull towards him pretty much from the start, protectiveness towards the rail thin boy before he had known what the Finn was actually capable of. Before he had believed in magic. To be fair, he probably hadn't been hiding his weird attraction towards Lalli very well. No doubt Sigrun had noticed how often "her little Viking warrior buddy’s gaze wandered, looking out for the scout returning in the early mornings, how he always wanted to make sure Lalli slept enough and ate enough. How somehow in their little rag tag group Emil was the only one actively picking up the finish language - and how Lalli chose to remember only the Swedish translations Tuuri had written down for them.  
Man, what a journey this was.  
"I just want to be a good friend to him." Emil replied after a moment. If Sigrun picked up on the tangle of complicated emotions he felt, she didn't comment on it. Magnificent woman that she was.  
"I reckon our little mage could really use a good friend. He's lucky to have you look out for him."  
The shot of a rifle rang out in the distance. Lalli hunting them down some dinner most likely.  
Emil wasn't sure yet what any of it meant. Being intrigued by a person as unusual as Lalli didn't perhaps necessarily mean anything. Anyone would be fascinated by the quiet Finns' cat-like nature and mysterious abilities. Maybe it was just a bit of a man-crush, just admiration.  
Even if it was.... more than that... surely there was no way it could ever go anywhere. Even if Emil were to have feelings like that surely the prickly Finn would not want anything to do with it.  
Though if he thought about it, he really, really could not imagine Lalli with a woman. Lalli would never muster up the necessary amount of wooing and complimenting and committing to meaningless dates to celebrate or ideas of romance.  
Lalli to him seemed more like a semi-feral cat, one that would roam and do its own thing and stop by once in a while for a scratch under the chin.  
As for who might be allowed to do the chin-scratching and who would get their eyes clawed out... That was a different question altogether.  
The Finn's slight form meandered through the underbrush back toward the tank, the carcass of a squirrel in his hand.  
Mikkel near had a heart attack when he tried to plunk the animal into the cooking soup whole, fur and all. Having gotten chastised (not understanding a word and not caring anyway) Lalli made to go back into the forest. But not before sparing Emil a glance that was open and calm and almost friendly, if one knew where to look.  
Emil smiled.  
Whatever was meant to happen would happen.  
For now he would enjoy having met such an intriguing person and unravelling the complex cocoon that Lalli had spun around him bit by bit. One little string at a time.


End file.
